Poor and not exactly cured.

I had another really busy day today. I didn't get to my writing until 10:30 tonight, and I've quit after an hour; the well just ran dry. I do already have a full amount of material written for my writers' group next (though it has to be rewritten to some degree).

Because today was laundry day, which wasn't as busy as grocery day was. The laundromat is nine blocks away, and I had three loads of clothes. Without a car, I put it all in a cart and take it over. The choice is either to take a bus and transfer, but the weather was good and I missed the bus anyway, so I walked.

I filled my waiting time there by reading a fellow writers' memoir for critique later today. So, for getting my real work done, it wasn't a total loss. Then I wheeled it all back and folded it. I didn't loaf doing any of it, but the whole operation took about five hours. Then I sat down and did my budgeting.

When I got done, I could see bad news. I wanted to spend some money on the Ginger Snaps comics. Yes, finally people are releasing a comic based on the movie. It's a two part comic, though to cover the movie. First part is $10, second is $10.50.

I just determined that I can only buy one this month. Part 2 has to wait until November. Again, it's only like $10.50 but I don't feel like I can afford it. That's how pathetic my finances are now.

Ferguson October starts Friday. I want to participate. I want to show my support for justice and against the racism that poisons this region and nation. (See my political blog AnArch Liberal (to be posted on soon) for upcoming details.

But here's where I know I'm not actually cured: I'm scared shitless of meeting people. A few weeks ago I was supposed to do canvassing. I backed out. I feel the same panic growing with Ferguson October. That, and a fear, of course of our injustice system. Most of all, I'm afraid of being seen, of having my picture taken (and worse, being shown it). If ever I think something like 30 years of therapy has "cured" me, these anxieties remind me that it hasn't.

I'm so damn sleepy, now. I'm giving up the ghost and going to bed.