Jury duty

I have jury duty Monday, and I have to confess I tried to get out of it, but my psychiatrist wouldn't give me the excuse.

I know it's my civic duty, and I realize since I'm self-employed and won't be missing any paid days, but the last two times I've done this were either personal disasters or felt like it. I felt maybe I should have a pass this time?  Just when it seemed I've been running my days right.


I have ADHD, a mind that still wanders without warning and a mood disorder. I know while medicated those will be minimized, but they're still not what you would call a normal range. I walk in public spaced out thinking about my plots and characters.

For attention deficit, I have to generate a list all day. Write out tasks to do, and check the list frequently to make sure I'm still on track. Of course, I might even forget to check the list. It's the first time in my life I've been so successful at it. Now I'll just to list one thing, jury duty. It throws me out of practice.

Now, about the last two times. One thing I hate about it is the judge always wants to make me the foreman. The first one was just depressing. The guy was found in a home he shouldn't have been in, he was covered in blood from stabbing the victim, he admitted at the scene he was "protecting his home" (jealous because his ex was there with the victim) , and the jury hung. This was right after OJ, and there were too many parallels. The jury split along racial lines, and some jurors weren't going to vote guilty for anything.  I made a mistake of taking a vote first. To my surprise, it was a tie. Unlike Twelve Angry Men, after people declared, neither side moved.

The second time, it was a grand jury. The prosecutor hated me. It was meeting 2-3 days a week for a three months. Every other Friday was sex crime day, meaning I went into the weekend wanting to slit my wrist. Then, midway through, I had a psychotic break. I couldn't shake the feeling that a friend was a serial rapist at large. That put me through months of anxiety and paranoia, not to mention, as it always is with a psychosis after it's over, shame. Meanwhile, I was a poor juror. I ended up on heavy psych meds for the first time in my life.

Okay, maybe I'm better medicated now; maybe I'm not entitled to get out of it, but my reasoning isn't selfish. I don't think I served well either time.

At the time, however, they were definitely less boring than my real job. Prior to this, I had union positions which provided pay for jury duty. I wish there were professional jurors rather than rotating amateurs in. It's a lot of responsibility. You could take away somebody's freedom for life, or even take away the person's life. That's at least as much responsibility as a surgeon or firefighter, or police officer, without any training.

I guess this is all I'm going to say if I get chosen for a case, until it's well over.  They warn you not to talk about cases, and I guess blogging would qualify.