Just when I thought I had the day together.

Yes, it's Easter, but as an atheist, it's my right to ignore it. I declined to have dinner at my sister's today and I've been doing writing instead. 

Just when I thought I had the day together, I remembered that I should start critiquing a friend's novel for the writers' group. I usually don't fret about age, but I'm a little indulgent about it when I forget about something that important for so long.

It's also embarrassing I didn't remember to even print it up until this afternoon. I told myself to do it last night and it totally slipped my mind until today.

I read this morning that Post Dispatch columnist Bill McClellan has been taking heat from Conservatives over suggestions he gave about Veterans Funerals, and mostly because he pointed out the obvious, no-brainer, truth that no sane person could argue against, not all veterans are heroes.

It apparently isn't fashionable to mention that anymore, especially among Conservatives, who-- it must be admitted-- need whatever rallying point they can get now. Never mind that McClellan said this exact same thing a previous column two years ago and it got no response. Probably because Conservatives hadn't yet discovered how poor their political futures had become.

Now Conservatives have taken a sledgehammer to their brains so they could make the argument that "All veterans are heroes, and how dare you impugn their service to our country."

I believe the standard we usually apply to heroes is if they go "Above and beyond the call of duty." If every veteran had that, the military would give them all 4.0 evaluations upon discharge, along with an award of a Congressional Medal of Honor, because if every veteran's a hero, that means every veteran is an elite hero.

There are professionals who do exactly what they are trained to do. If a veteran has fought under fire, he does what he has been trained to do. Yes, it's dangerous. So are a lot of fields. So are a lot of fields that are a service to many people.

Then there are the exceptional, ones who do something in battle you can't train anybody to do, who do things that are foolhardy, or that even seem superhuman. Like single-handedly killing 705 of the enemy, with a rifle and an SMG in 40 degree below weather, with only basic military training. (No, that isn't an American. I'm just giving the most convenient example because I'm lazy and out of time.)

Distinguishing heroes from everyone else doesn't insult other veterans. Hell, we have civilian heroes, who reach the status without any war at all a bystander who run in and rescue a family from a fire. No way are other civilians insulted when a hero cited.

During Vietnam when we had the draft, we had many more troops in a war zone. We didn't end up with millions of heroes, nor did our country treat them like that.

We don't need to make just volunteering for the military and following orders to fight a ticket to heroism. Most people volunteer for the military to get out of poverty or get job-related training. That's what I saw when I was in our voluntary military. That's not bad, but it's also not heroic? Morale and the fighting spirit were instilled in us after we volunteered. Most of us didn't feel that way before.
 
It has been pointed out before-- because it's obvious-- but our country is far too militaristic. The promotion of all veterans to heroes is a way of giving more status to military people and more prestige to a military that's out of control.

Therefore, I treat this lowering of the standard with suspicion. Our last two wars have not been "heroic" in the least. The 10th anniversary of the Iraqi War wasn't celebrated, and-- in a heated discussion-- I told Conservatives back in 2005 that it wouldn't be. The military has heroes in Iraq and Afghanistan, but heroes in immoral ventures that are against national interests, and were brought upon us fraudulently. Our enlisted personnel, veterans and real heroes are being used and had, and they come home to benefits that suck and will only get worse as budgets get cut. They come home sometimes as damaged goods, while frequently, the skills they learned get them nowhere in this economy the wars they fought in have helped wreck. Unless they go to work for a private security agency, an intelligence firm or agency, or the Pentagon, they'll probably find that few promises made to them have been kept.

If they work for a private security agency, an intelligence entity, or the Pentagon, they get paid to further our government's business and foreign ventures.

It's no wonder Conservative propagandists and their volunteer parrots are almost hysterical to flatter veterans now. 
   

 

Poor living.

I'm up to 1400 words of mostly finished prose on this week's installment of the novel. I have 600 words, or two pages to go, and I'll have a complete installment to read at the writers' group. Most of this one is concerned with two detectives on the trail of a runaway. Since it is a werewolf story, they are finding some inexplicable things. 

Writing isn't so difficult anymore. It's easier to crank out prose, though not quite at the L. Ron Hubbard rate, yet. For the most part, I waste it on posting in places rather than writing fiction.

Free advice.

Went to a workshop last night with Michael Kahn done through the St. Louis Artist Guild (SLAG). It was on writing and the law. Kahn is not only a lawyer who has represented creative people in copyright cases, he's also a novelist, and has a continuing series going. The series all have Rachel Gold as the main character and are set in St. Louis. The series includes: Canaan Legacy, Grave Designs, Death Benefits, Firm Ambitions, Due Diligence, Sheer Gall, Bearing Witness, and Trophy Widow. His newest book is a collection of Rachel Gold short stories A Handful of Gold.

Getting the knack of Metro.

I cooked chicken chilli yesterday. Not really by any recipe. I used one for guidance, but that recipe didn't have chilli powder. How can it be called chilli if there's no chilli powder in it? It didn't add tomatoes, and I thought that was lacking. Also, I substituted chilli beans for lentils, and used chicken breas for turkey sausage. Besides that, I followed the recipe exactly as given. It's good and I've got enough of it for about 14 servings.

Frittering.

Tonight I have some late-night cooking to do. It's pretty simple. Chilli. I've been procrastinating it for days, and procrastinated it for hours today.

I don't why I do that. I don't dislike cooking (as long my is sharp). It's necessary work, I mean, this will be 8-12 meals. I let myself get distracted with the Internet, which always has either something important to read or write. Actually, let's just say I look for something on the net that will let me put off any work fro a few more seconds. Seconds turn into minutes, and-- physically speaking-- sitting and browsing is less work. If I were rude, or maybe it's honest, I would say I was being lazy. Looking for something more important to give me an excuse to stay zoned in front of the computer.

Scored!

Finally, got my medication after slogging through the 8" of unseasonable snow and spending three hours at the clinic. I found out that clinic didn't re-authorize my prescriptions for six days after I saw the doctor. All I wanted was a "bridge script." But that was an unknown concept to them, so they wrote me up for a whole 90 more days, which means that I've paid twice for my prescription.

Is this the worst medical system in the industrialized world? It sounds like it. We pay more, get less, and more people get sick, and/or die as a result.

At least there's writing.

It's been a bad day, but at least I wrote a lot. I know it sounds self-indulgent when I say I'm really entertained writing my characters (and since it's fanfiction, writing for other writers' characters, too.)

Most of the characters are female teenagers. Unlike some fan fiction, I don't sexualize them. Not that I have anything against sex in movies or books. Sex is important to human lives, and it has it's place in story-telling. I won't avoid the characters' sex lives, but I don't divert the story or the character for titillation and sexual thrills, mine or the readers. I'll definitely do it differently if I write erotica, but this is a horror story, and the characters are too terrified and preoccupied with surviving to think about sex.

The not-myself shadow

Thanks to the inaction of a community clinic in re-authorizing my prescriptions, I've now been out of a key medication (Levothyroxin) since Tuesday last week. I thought it would arrive by Friday, but it didn't. I would have gotten a bridge script, but I really didn't envision the length of this delay.

A bad day went well.

I had such a horrid day yesterday I had to cancel my social plans. I wouldn't have been able to relax. I was sad to miss that Friday night cunnilingus demo, but no, with such financial turmoil, I also couldn't justify discretionary spending.

Instead I stayed home and enjoyed some comfort food: pizza. Too much pizza.

I wouldn't recommend college to anyone these days.

I've been frittering away my writing time just perusing the Internet when I should have been making my entry. I've run a few errands today. Most urgent one was to pick up flea medication for my cat who's begun to scratch her neck bare. It might be colder than a yeti's turd out there, but the fleas seem to have discovered it's spring, and they're having an early Global Warming party.

Steubenville: Not enough justice

It looks like, if you force it enough, you can get a smidgeon of justice from our court system.

Here are the lessons from Steubenville: 

1) If a bunch of jocks rape a girl in front of a room full of witnesses, and those jocks and their accessories-- who take pictures and vids-- boast about it publicly on the world-wide web, a few of them just might get arrested.

Rebuild

I know I haven't blogged in a time, and I'm trying to take it in new direction. Where I would before try to protect some details about my life, keep them private, engage in self-censorship, now I'm not even gonna try. I figure there's already enough on the Internet to ruin me, and I'm of the socio-economic level now that I wouldn't notice very much if it did.

I got on the highway to head back home from my writers' group the other night, when my car began to misfire. I thought it was the EGR valve. Anyway, it didn't conk out. I got it home. I had date the next night, so I knew I had to get it repaired the next day, or find other means, because cancellation was not an option.

I took it into the shop. While the shop tested it, I went to my Dad's to take care of my brother Joe. My dad had asked for help. He had to go to the doctor. My sister couldn't take up the slack because she had to work the graveyard the night before.  I had told Dad I was having car trouble in case it broke down completely on the way to the shop. I made it. They told me it would be mid-afternoon before they got to my car, so I walked to my Dad's.

Cycles and Placebos

For a few months there, I dared to think that I might be cured, that I might be over the depressions. This last week has shown otherwise. It's not like Andrew Solomon described depression, where it would deck him for months at a time. For me, I just lose hours, lying in bed helpless with no energy, no resolve, where everything appears hopeless, even things that have nothing to do with me, even the world. It's usually accompanied by a migraine, where I feel awful enough to take a lot of painkillers. I'll usually have a few "good" hours a day, only to sag again.

During these weeks, I'll start things, like this blog entry, and then negate them. My last blog entry is still a draft and probably will never be seen.

Then one day, I snap out of it. I used to have many more bad days before I was on medication. Now, occasionally I'll still hit a bad patch. Last week, including today, was one of them.

Mental illnesses are known to be cyclical. A person gets better or worse. Mind seems to have a cycle within a cycle.

In all truth, I think most illnesses are cyclical until they get into a terminal phase. This might explain why placebos seem to be too effective. Maybe it's mostly not beliefs. Maybe it's the illness itself was due for an upswing. I wonder if medical scientists have ever thought of that.

The headache's returning. I'm going to do some reading . . . then go to bed. I got a little writing done today, at least.

Sick days.

The last three days have been bad. I've have headaches several times a day now, and a dearth of energy. I end up sleeping half the day away. I see my doctor next week, but this is the sort of problem that can really set me back financially, even to try and diagnose it. Migraines? I do have a history of them, they just haven't been bad in recent years. But I've also had joint aches, which might or might not be related.  The headaches might also be sinus related. I got so bothered this morning I took Tylenol, Benedryl and Tramadol. That put me out for five hours. I knew it would, but the relief from the pain so good.

Can't do that again. Tramadol is a weak narcotic, so it's habit forming. 

I meant to have maybe a longer entry, but I can hardly keep my eyes open now, and that's without any medications. It's just the way things have been going recently.