ADHD: What is it like?

Tuesday I caught NPR's Talk of the Nation and heard a segment about adults with ADHD. Guess what? They're finding what I already found out. The condition, diagnosed in children persists into adulthood. It usually isn't just a stage.

As someone who had symptoms in childhood, with parents who made the decision that the treatment was more harmful than the symptoms, I can say that it's a very real disorder and can have a very negative lifetime effects. Because it wasn't treated, I was forced to deal with it as a moral failing. This lead to overwhelming guilt, demoralization, depression and anxiety disorder. It also generated or aggravated incidents that saddled me with PTSD.

Attention Deficit (1) followed by Promises

With so many children being treated for attention deficit these days and the numbers continuing the grow, some people think it's an illness concocted by psychiatrists and drug companies to grow revenues.

About this, I have to disagree strongly. Granted, it may be over-diagnosed. So much psychiatry needs to be supported more in neurology the way theoretical physics grounds cosmology. We haven't reached that point yet. Psychiatry is behind other medicine in development.

Two psychiatrists have now diagnosed me with Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. In neither case did I seek or suggest that diagnosis. The only thing I know is, I'm on a higher dose of the medication than ever. A much higher dose than the previous psychiatrist put me on (and subsequently, taken off when I lost my medical coverage and had to switch psychiatrist). I have to watch my blood pressure now, though Strattera is not in the same class as Ritalin, which is amphetamine.

The difference, though is so profound that I'm willing to take a larger risk of a heart attack. I hope readers noticed I've been keeping this blog daily now. That's only one thing that's changed. (Continue)

Attention Deficit (introduction)

One reason why it's far better I work alone is that my sleep schedule is so unpredictable. I've used alarm clocks, three at a time. Yes, I can get up, but it usually means going through the day mindlessly tired. I've made huge, embarrassing errors at work just from sleepiness.

It's almost as unworkable for me to try to go to sleep at a regular time. Usually, I get enthralled with something, and this tends to happen more when I'm tired. I'll fall into bed so sleep deprived I can't think straight. If I go to bed early, I'll end up being awake and restless.

So, with exceptions, I go to sleep when I feel exhausted and I wake up whenever I do and schedule my day from there. This usually entails planning to read and write  long after I'm mentally capable of doing anymore. In other words, I'll plan on being up working until 2 a.m. but I'm wear out by midnight, sleep, get up when I do (now, almost always by 8), writing out my schedule for that day and picking up where I left off.  

This might seem like luxury, being able to sleep as long as I want, but it also means always being out of sync with everybody else. That is to say, if you have a "real job" people have to be there at a certain time in the morning just to make sure they can work as a team and do everything as planned. Social cooperation is the main reason. In other words, there's the constant reminder that you are alone.

Lack of a predictable sleep pattern, and periods of sleeping few hours than is healthy, is a symptom of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. I have a longer post coming up about this. Let's just say, it's better that I choose to work alone.