Monday, November 25, 2013

Too much spending on disability?

I was working this afternoon when my desktop began making a grinding noise. It was my CPU fan failing. It sounded like it was going to shoot blades through the case. I backed my work up and shut down stuff pretty quick, but not before the fan totally quiet. For some reason, my computer didn't shut down. The fan had to still be running because you have less than ten seconds. AMD processors will shut themselves down before they burn up. Oddly, it's not a feature Intel processors have (last I checked).


So, I whipped out my laptop, went to the Microcenter website and bought a water cooler for just $76 with tax. Yes, I could have bought a fan for less than half that, but I've never seen a better price for a water-cool system.

I assembled my desktop myself and have for about a decade. If something breaks, all I have to do is replace a single part myself and not the whole system. However, I've never been able to restrain myself from upgrading rather than replacing, mainly because the previous cutting edge components always come down in price.

This failure comes at a bad time, though. I resolved to put off my discretionary spending until the first of each month. A few days ago I broke down and made a discretionary purchase. Microcenter offered an Android tablet computer for only $40. When I lost power, I had to lug my laptop around to the library and cafes for work. I began to resent the weight of my laptop. So, I went for it. Add ten bucks for the three-year replacement plan (makes sense for a cheap tablet) and ten more for the SSD memory, and with tax, I've spent $65.

It might sound frivolous, but it's not. Everything is aimed at keeping myself writing. Yes, I have a laptop. Why do I need a desktop? If either one breaks down, as things always do, I want to be able to keep writing without interruption. A laptop or desktop alone doesn't give me that option. Also, I need things set up so I can't lose work.  So, I have a lot of redundant data storage, hard drives, flash drives and cloud drives.

(I couldn't actually wait, either, to get gloves and a hat after the cold snap this weekend. Another $40.) I could still break even this cycle.

Even with all that, I've had the most horrible luck getting writing done ever since my power got knocked out by the wind storm the previous Sunday. I accomplished is that I finalized two installments for reading for my writer's group, and finished outlining this draft. I haven't been able to advance as I thought this draft 1,000 words a day as I wanted to. Shit happens.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Update: A turning point?

I've felt a little better about prospects the Republicans would stop their de-fund/default-the-government policy since the Kochs came out and renounced the tactic. It seems on the surface the brothers don't have a war chest ready to see that Democrats get blamed. 

This means this entire thing was just one huge, one-shot fuck up by Conservatives and a more costly one than choosing Romney as the winner in 2012. Considering how long they had planned to do this, and how prominent the people behind it were (Ed Meese, for one), the incompetence of this stunt is stunning. The GOP is truly the party of the stupid, where Fundamentalists, Creationists and Global Warming deniers don't feel intellectually threatened.

Continued beneath the divide.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Another Vacation?

My productivity on my novel has fallen to the low hundreds per day.

When I take stock of other things, here's what I see: my apartment is a wreck, the little that's in my refrigerator is going rotten, my cupboard is bare, my desk is cluttered, essential paperwork for my medical is lying in there undone for weeks. Also, I've been accumulating books I'm not reading, movies I'm not watching (fiction is part of my job). I haven't exercised in a month. Usually, when I think of something that I need or want to do I put it on a list. Now I just put it out of my mind. 

My life is falling apart and it's going to keep going unless I do something different.  Some might be due to the pressure from the government shutdown.
 
It's embarrassing to say that I can be stressed out when I don't have a job, but that's why I'm disabled. I have a hard time directing my attention. And I get tired very easily. If I were working for anyone else, it's about this time I'd have a meltdown on the job.

Last time I had all these signs was in early July. At the time, the novel had gone the wrong way. I took two weeks off from writing and came back more productive with my life back in order. This time I'll stay away from it for a week. I'll get everything else in order and come back under less stress, so I hope.

Of course, I might be more stressed due to what's happening politically now.

Experts terrified of US default

The seriousness of the Republican refusal to raise the debt ceiling is beginning to sink in, and the experts are starting to get uncomfortable. Bloomberg this morning calmly calls it "an economic calamity like none the world has ever seen." No, no signs of fear there.

Lehman almost sent the world into a depression. Only the Federal Reserve prevented that from happening. As it is, we just had "the Great Recession." The US debt is twenty-three times the size of Lehman's. 

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Update: Outside groups hold sway to keep government defunded.


I blogged on Monday that Conservative political advocacy groups, all fronts for billionaires and corporations, were behind the shutdown and coming default. They are going to be the driving force on keeping it going. A New York Times article by Sheryl Gay Stolberg and Mike McIntire confirms that:

Shortly after President Obama started his second term, a loose-knit coalition of conservative activists led by former Attorney General Edwin Meese III gathered in the capital to plot strategy. Their push to repeal Mr. Obama’s health care law was going nowhere, and they desperately needed a new plan.

Out of that session, held one morning in a location the members insist on keeping secret, came a little-noticed “blueprint to defunding Obamacare,” signed by Mr. Meese and leaders of more than three dozen conservative groups.

Monday, September 30, 2013

It's Official: The Government is Broken



The reboot cast of The Three Stooges, with Ted Cruz a very convincing Moe

Today, the federal government does the unthinkably self-destructive act and refuses to raise the debt ceiling. Don't for a moment fool yourself that this is a repeat of 1996. The House of Representatives this time is far more hardline than it was in the previous shutdown. The Representatives are far less responsive to their constituents. Many of them are millionaires themselves in the pockets of  billionaires. Many have jobs lined up with companies for which they've done favors. This time there's going to be no retraction.

The economic dimension of this crisis is also worse. In the '90s it was just Congress refusing to fund the government, and only did it short term. Now Congress is refusing to pay debts for money that's already spent, for programs it already approved. The government is going deadbeat. Economically, I'm afraid this will be an unmitigated disaster. If it goes on for months, it might make the troubles 2008-2009 look like average years.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

I smell a rat.

Is Ginger up to no good, here?


Anytime you introduce a character by counterpointing her with a rodent or weasel, that says something bad about the character.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

How to form a writers' group.

My writers' group has been the best educational experience of my life. I won't give the name of the group, because we're on the edge of being victims of our own success. We have a simple game plan. Write, read, critique, and meet to do it face-to-face every week. Members bring their work in, pass out copies and read it aloud one-by-one. That's the procedure for fact, fiction or poetry. If it's a screenplay or stage script, the member assigns parts and has people read them aloud. A person can read or play out 2,000 words maximum. Then the rest of the writers can either give live critiques or write them (and any corrections) on the copies, which are also used to make minor corrections.

And I've been finishing 2,000 words every week. There were two weeks I took a vacation because the novel went off track and I was stressed-out over it. But I came back with the story straightened out and ready to progressed.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Amanda Todd revisted.

I ran across a youtube video that made my blood boil, and I got up today thinking of how I could answer, though probably in 500 characters or less.

The video is from T.J. "The Amazing Atheist." I used to subscribe to his channel, until he took views that I found to be shameful to the very name of atheism. Now he reminds me of Rush Limbaugh.

T.J. doesn't like all the sympathy Amanda Todd got. He pointed out that for what she did (being video'd online flashing her tits when she was 12) she didn't deserve the sympathy other people who get bullied deserve.

I think there are things that make Amanda Todd's bullying much more heinous than other cases. Misogyny is the main one: despising a female for her sexual choices and refusing to forgive her even after the she's dead. What she did as a minor was wrong but didn't hurt anybody. That's all that needs to be said. Nobody died, nobody was deprived no families were broken up because Amanda Todd flashed her tits. What she did was a misdemeanor for juvenile court.  

The actual bullies were in league with a pedophile, who knew exactly how to manipulate them. Where was the bullying and harassment for the adult who persuaded a minor to flash her tits, then used it to extort more nude videos from Todd?

Then those misogynistic, pedophile-enabling bullies wouldn't back off when it was clear Todd was suicidal. That's deep hatred. That's a hatred that comes from the dark evil corner of the human soul where genocide originates. That's the sort of hatred that should put a person in Hell. It makes me wish there were a Hell just so such hateful people would end up there. I hope it would be in the same pit of torment as the pedophiles. As far as I'm concerned, the people who kept harassing her after she became suicidal and made suggestions on how to succeed at it stopped being mere bullies and started being accessories to murder.

What's more, they won't stop hating her after she's dead. You still have posts saying she was a slut and doesn't deserve any sympathy. That is some major league despising there. I think if I were subjected to that and I couldn't get away from it, I don't think I could survive.

So, the argument goes with T.J. that Todd doesn't "deserve" pity as much as some other dead, bullied kids. Oh, horrors, T.J., a slut is getting something she doesn't deserve! Like getting something one doesn't "deserve" doesn't happen millions of times to millions of people a year. I'm sure Amanda Todd's sense of entitlement is bloated as a result of all the honor. If only she weren't dead, it would obviously make her a spoiled, bratty bitch.

Who says feeling bad about Todd makes it impossible to feel bad about other bullied kids? If people didn't have to argue against the late-comer bullies all the time, you probably wouldn't notice anybody missing any sympathy.

Nobody says Amanda Todd is a role model for anything, but what happened to her was a tragedy. What was done to her, far out of proportion to what she did,  was base human cruelty as much as any lynch mob. Tragedies invoke pity, and like people can control their emotions and just aim them surgically. That's not the way it works. Often, our emotions lead us, and there's no rationalization or judgment about it.

Amanda Todd's death wasn't just a case of bullying. It was misogynistic bullying, by both males and females. It was a case of pedophile-led misogynistic bullying. It was a case of persistent, pedophile-led, misogynistic bullying. I think I've made my argument that it was more despicable than most and is in a category all its own. And to anyone who says her morals negated sympathy, I say fuck you all.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

The wrong tool, the wrong job.



It's said that doing a job properly requires the right tool, such as, the aphorism about not bringing a knife to a gun fight. In this country, citizens are obsessed over a particular set of tools: firearms. They talk about how likely it is a gun will be used in stopping a crime, and about how people should be given a choice about it.

Guns are specialized tools. An actuary can figure it out the risk, but what are the odds that you're going to get mugged or burglarized as compared to the odds that you'd lock your keys in the car? If the latter happens, you've brought the wrong tool to the situation.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Why so much sex and violence?

I read about the harshest most brutal scene I've ever written at my writer's group last week. It was full of blood, sex and violence, and violent sex, and even bad language. I wrote a graphic scene of a female werewolf raping and savagely murdering a human male, and that worried me. To my surprise, reviews were glowing. I was still too stressed when I got home to even look through them, and waited for two days.

At this point, I can't afford to censor my muse. Right now, I try to write what comes directly from unconscious, and then work to get the phrasing right and tone right. That's the short answer. More to come beneath the fold.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Is the Internet itself a surveillance tool?


The revelations in recent months about government surveillance has shocked people here and abroad. Besides the NSA, the most recent one is that the DEA Special Operations Division fishes the internet and cellphone conversations, and when it hears something incriminating or suspicious, passes it onto the appropriate local agency to then find evidence of the crime and hide where the investigation originated. This "investigation laundering" totally turns the 4th Amendment and the concept of “probable cause” on its head, and its done for criminal cases, not terrorists, not national security. It denies people a fair trial in several ways, one being that they can't confront their accusers.

There are reports of other government agencies scrambling to get their hands NSA information for use. I don't blame them. Let's face it. If the government is allowed to gather such information-- if anybody is-- the question of using it becomes moot. The temptation would be too strong, because it would be idiocy not to use it. Especially in moralistic “equivalent of” wars like the War on Drugs. If it's such a high moral cause, as the government treats it, what possible excuse is there to not use it?

Friday, August 2, 2013

Why does my personal NSA agent keep screwing up?

My NSA agent: artist depiction-- xenus-link-sleuth.en.softonic.com/
 
To My Personal NSA agent,

I hate to keep complaining, but you've made another mistake.

I made reservations for a trip to a Convention in September, but I made them for the wrong day. So, I had to change the reservations, it cost me $20 and a trip to Greyhound to correct it.

How could you possibly let me do that?

Monday, July 29, 2013

Keeping on task

I know a fellow writer turning pro, I'll post about his work sometime in the near future. He got an agent, which in itself is a pretty good accomplishment. After a few months of waiting, his agent was negotiating with a big publisher where at least a few of the editors loved his work.

That's good news, soon to be followed by bad news. A week from last Saturday, he had a “minor” heart attack. It was somewhat fortunate, because it turned out he had a whole bunch of artery blockages. It's better than a "silent" heart attack, where a part of your heart dies without saying anything, and much better than a "loud" major heart attack. He's only 44, and is a health nut and martial arts expert. You talk about being struck just on the edge of success. He must have a very strong family history of heart disease to have that happen to him.

He went through his multi-bypass operation and is now recovering, but what a scare and ordeal. And no, I don't know what's happening with the book deal. He hasn't shared that.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Depth

My mood slid this week. When I'm depressed, I don't talk to anybody. Speech seems to be the first thing that's suppressed. However, I can write, and seem to even write better when my mood is in the toilet.

However, there are exceptions. Writing was hard last week. I struggled to get through a scene, and I felt it took a thorough panning at my writers' group. I was so tired I couldn't even defend the installment. Others present might not have seen it as too bad, but for me, considering what I tried to do, it was torture.

I know I haven't written here much. My attention has been focused more on completing a list of tasks. Like, I donated some junk that had been cluttering up my place and my storage cubical. I sold my car for a bag of beans and a can of cat foot. With a partially blown engine, the car wouldn't sell for more than $100. I have to admit parting with it felt like a real step down. My hand shook so much I couldn't get the key off the ring.

Those are the kinds of things I've been doing. However, between those and writing, I've been neglecting physical activity, and I spend ninety-seven percent of my time alone. I don't have a psychiatrist or counselor right now, because the community mental health center I go to is between interns. They get rid of them every year and it takes 2-3 months to get any in. So, when I'm down, there's really not much support. And I'm having just as much trouble socially as I ever did. That part does depress me because it has never actually gotten better. There was a time that I tried harder, though, and regretted it.  

So, I'm taking a break. I'd call it a vacation, but I'm not vacating anywhere. I'm replacing writing with exercise for a week, and for another week (if I can stand it) I'll probably be playing Civ, since that seems to raise my mood.

So, I'll come back to writing fiction two weeks. 


Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Skull dump.


I saw a movie the other night, John Dies at the End. It started out so well. The first several scenes were comical, that is, written gags, verbal and physical, with punchlines. Those scenes were hilarious. They raised my hopes so much. Unfortunately, after the beginning, it stopped being comedy with some horror elements and started to be just campy horror. They needed to go more one way or the other, either make it more comical, or make it less comical and more horrifying. In a way, it reminded me of Phantasm, a schlocky horror movie of the '70s; except that movie wasn't deliberately made to be campy. There's something about willfully making a movie to look and sound bad that ruins laughs, especially if you're paying to see it.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Orphan Black



With my attention deficit medicated to manageable levels, I've been enjoying some TV again. The show that's been absorbing my thoughts is Orphan Black from BBC America.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

The other bad news from the Kepler Telescope


                           Respectable View.          cosmotv.org

We heard this week that the Kepler Space Telescope has a second broken stabilizing wheel. Its four stabilizing wheels orient it in space. Without being able to aim its gaze, the telescope is probably done, three years prematurely.

The Kepler has definitely told us more about potential life outside our solar system than SETI. The SETI program's main contribution to our knowledge was from its negative results. It found no signals from other intelligent life, which made people begin to conjecture whether we are alone in the universe.


Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Communications companies that can't communicate.


The most paradoxical frustration in the postmodern, fiberoptic-faceted world is the communications company that can't communicate, not with its customers, not even among its own departments. Like a drunken, cross-eyed spider, this is a beast that should be adept at navigating the complex snares of the worldwide web, but instead, stumbles, rolls and cocoons itself.


Friday, May 10, 2013

When government is minimal

I'm tired of people who complain about the size of government. Yes, government should be as efficient as possible. Yes, we always should seek ways to prevent fraud, waste and abuse.

However, the size and growth of government is due to two factors that no amount of aggressive cutting can get rid of: population and resources. No matter what nation or who the people are, they have to get a government large enough to settle disputes and determine who has charge of its resources, artificial or natural.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Cleveland

Of course the main question when you hear this case is how did Ariel Castro possibly keep control of three women and one girl for a decade?

One possible answer comes from Elizabeth Smart, herself a victim of kidnapping, repeated rape and long-term captivity:

"Speaking to an audience at Johns Hopkins about issues of human trafficking and sexual violence, Smart recently offered an answer to that question. She explained that some human trafficking victims don’t run away because they feel worthless after being raped, particularly if they have been raised in conservative cultures that push abstinence-only education and emphasize sexual purity. . . ."

I don't know. That maybe explains some. That doesn't explain all of it. I'm not making an innuendo that these poor women cooperated with their capture in any way. I'm wondering how did Castro keep them in an ordinary urban house for so long? As Charles Ramsey-- the hero of this situation because he noticed, broke down a screen door and called 911-- said, he didn't expect the police to find anybody else. The neighbors thought Castro was quite ordinary.

However, his a history of brutal violence against his ex-, then deceased, wife has come out. Apparently, he had a lot of resentment over the divorce and the fact that he lost custody.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Political review of scientific studies?

I remember reading that when the concept of the number zero first arrived in Europe from the Arabian countries, it was so confounding that some parts of Italy made the use of it illegal. It's an example of trying to deny or obscure disturbing scientific facts by law. Today we usually only hear about this regarding Creationism, where evolution isn't usually illegal in the schools, per se, but biblical creation is added as a scientifically viable alternative. 

Creationism is only one example, one that makes the other instances  look justified in the minds of the ignorant. In Washington, former rancher and legislative clown Lamar Smith (R)  has proposed a law to have federally funded scientific studies reviewed by Congressional committees in the House and Senate, adding, as he claims "a layer of accountability. The intent of the draft legislation is to ensure that taxpayer dollars are spent on the highest-quality research possible." Very Orwellian, Rep. Smith. No, you think for funding research, Congress deserves the results it wants.

How does adding not one, but two filters of ignorance to scientific research make it higher quality? Smith doesn't understand science and has no respect for it if he would propose a bill like this.


 It's very Soviet of him.  Soon we'll be planting summer wheat in winter. 

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

The wear of wait.

Jury duty's over. I arrived late, and there were more than a thousand people there. The highest number jury badge I heard 1045. I'm thinking that means there were 1100 people Note, the city now only has 330,000 or so people in it. So, one in 330 people in this town were stuffed into the jury waiting room and the "mezzanine," a strange name when it isn't a theater. All the chairs were taken up. There were people sitting in the aisles, along the walls, all with nothing to do but kill time. I tried to read, but ended up talking with a few other juror candidates.

Mostly about computers, and whether to buy a tablet. I'm committed to PCs myself. That's the infrastructure I have. I'm geeky enough to want a tablet, too, but I can't justify the expense. One person said they still ran WindowsMe. That's like having a thirteen year old car with manual windows and locks and a partly blown engine. 

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Less than I thought

This spring has totally sucked so far, in terms of relief from the winter weather. Yes, it hasn't been as cold, but it hasn't been pleasant. The warm, sunny day always appears to be forecast the day after tomorrow. Today has always been rainy, tomorrow has always been damp but cold, and two days from now have always had a warm, sunny forecast. Weather is inherently unpredictable, but who would have thought in the midst of Global Warming we'd see this?

I went out Friday on various errands and got soaked. I took the Metrolink out to Microcenter. I got a tax credit, so I had a little extra in discretionary funds to spend. I got a couple of geeky items: a power screw driver, a USB Hub, then walked to Target for socks, a new pair of pants, and an umbrella. Elsewhere I bought a fire extinguisher and vacuum belts; then Skype auto-renewed for premium service, which is important since I have limited minutes on my cell and no landline phone.

All told, I spent a little more than $200. I woke up this morning to watch Orphan Black on Amazon (it's a show I highly recommend), and Amazon couldn't get approval for the $1.99 I wanted to spend. It turned out the bank put my card on a security hold suspecting fraud, because spending $200 is so unlike me. Really, it looks like I spent like a fraudster, too. People steal credit cards to buy power screwdrivers, USB hubs and fire extinguishers all the time, I imagine.

I know I look cheap when the credit card company stops my $1.99 purchase because spending so much is unlike me. I'm not cheap. I'm just poor, disabled and on a fixed income. I came into a little money which freed up a little pent-up discretionary spending. Most of it was for practical items.

After mucking and drowning Friday, I've hid indoors this weekend. Things tend to stretch out, meaning I get a lot less done than I expected. I only have about 600 words to read for the writers' group tomorrow. The total isn't going to change since I have jury duty tomorrow. Late this afternoon I tried to manage my passwords. I don't have a password manager program. I have my own method. It seemed like it would take just a few seconds. Unfortunately, something about permissions got me hung up. It took a total of an hour before I finally gave up.

Tomorrow is supposed to be warm and sunny. I'll be waiting in the jury pool room with a stack of books to speed read.


Saturday, May 4, 2013

Jury duty

I have jury duty Monday, and I have to confess I tried to get out of it, but my psychiatrist wouldn't give me the excuse.

I know it's my civic duty, and I realize since I'm self-employed and won't be missing any paid days, but the last two times I've done this were either personal disasters or felt like it. I felt maybe I should have a pass this time?  Just when it seemed I've been running my days right.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Chechens?

First, my sympathies to those in Boston. A shooting and bombing high-speed chase. How terrifying.

Chechens? That comes out of the blue. I wouldn't have guessed that in ten thousand chances. Are the Tamil Tigers going to make an attack now?

These guys were here for a decade, apparently, after escaping the war-torn hell-hole of Chechnya.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Rainy day loopie.

Woke up to thunder and rain. My cat hid under my desk like a scared puppy, but like a nice puppy comes out when I called her. (Who was the person that observed that a good cat acts like an average dog? Most dogs would never come out when they're rattled by a thunderstorm.)

I took a bus to my therapist, only to discover the appointment was cancelled. Yes, they called me. The message was on my phone, but my phone was off and being recharged. They also called my Skype, but by the time they did my computer was off and I was getting ready to leave.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Writers' support and dreams

I wanted to continue about Roger Ebert, but for the next two days I have to finish a critique on a friend's book. He's a member of my writers' group. Or I think it's going to take two days. Then I have about a day to get my "taxes" done (that is, put in for a tax credit my case worker told me about).

I can't speed read a manuscript. It has to be read the old-fashioned way. At least there's not much in the way of line corrections with this book. Commentary is important.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Goodbye, Roger Ebert!

I couldn't go on without noting the passing of Roger Ebert. It's startling how much he was liked in his final years, since critics had never before been known for their popularity. He broke new ground on that.

In the seventies and eighties, I remembered I would tune in to Sneak Previews on KETC-PBS Channel 9, even when I didn't plan to see any movies that month. He and Gene Siskell were just that interesting. I admit that I liked him a lot better than Gene. When there was a movie I loved and (frequently) had no one to talk to about it, he and Gene Siskel fulfilled that role.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

ADHD: What is it like?

Tuesday I caught NPR's Talk of the Nation and heard a segment about adults with ADHD. Guess what? They're finding what I already found out. The condition, diagnosed in children persists into adulthood. It usually isn't just a stage.

As someone who had symptoms in childhood, with parents who made the decision that the treatment was more harmful than the symptoms, I can say that it's a very real disorder and can have a very negative lifetime effects. Because it wasn't treated, I was forced to deal with it as a moral failing. This lead to overwhelming guilt, demoralization, depression and anxiety disorder. It also generated or aggravated incidents that saddled me with PTSD.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Just when I thought I had the day together.

Yes, it's Easter, but as an atheist, it's my right to ignore it. I declined to have dinner at my sister's today and I've been doing writing instead. 

Just when I thought I had the day together, I remembered that I should start critiquing a friend's novel for the writers' group. I usually don't fret about age, but I'm a little indulgent about it when I forget about something that important for so long.

It's also embarrassing I didn't remember to even print it up until this afternoon. I told myself to do it last night and it totally slipped my mind until today.

I read this morning that Post Dispatch columnist Bill McClellan has been taking heat from Conservatives over suggestions he gave about Veterans Funerals, and mostly because he pointed out the obvious, no-brainer, truth that no sane person could argue against, not all veterans are heroes.

It apparently isn't fashionable to mention that anymore, especially among Conservatives, who-- it must be admitted-- need whatever rallying point they can get now. Never mind that McClellan said this exact same thing a previous column two years ago and it got no response. Probably because Conservatives hadn't yet discovered how poor their political futures had become.

Now Conservatives have taken a sledgehammer to their brains so they could make the argument that "All veterans are heroes, and how dare you impugn their service to our country."

I believe the standard we usually apply to heroes is if they go "Above and beyond the call of duty." If every veteran had that, the military would give them all 4.0 evaluations upon discharge, along with an award of a Congressional Medal of Honor, because if every veteran's a hero, that means every veteran is an elite hero.

There are professionals who do exactly what they are trained to do. If a veteran has fought under fire, he does what he has been trained to do. Yes, it's dangerous. So are a lot of fields. So are a lot of fields that are a service to many people.

Then there are the exceptional, ones who do something in battle you can't train anybody to do, who do things that are foolhardy, or that even seem superhuman. Like single-handedly killing 705 of the enemy, with a rifle and an SMG in 40 degree below weather, with only basic military training. (No, that isn't an American. I'm just giving the most convenient example because I'm lazy and out of time.)

Distinguishing heroes from everyone else doesn't insult other veterans. Hell, we have civilian heroes, who reach the status without any war at all a bystander who run in and rescue a family from a fire. No way are other civilians insulted when a hero cited.

During Vietnam when we had the draft, we had many more troops in a war zone. We didn't end up with millions of heroes, nor did our country treat them like that.

We don't need to make just volunteering for the military and following orders to fight a ticket to heroism. Most people volunteer for the military to get out of poverty or get job-related training. That's what I saw when I was in our voluntary military. That's not bad, but it's also not heroic? Morale and the fighting spirit were instilled in us after we volunteered. Most of us didn't feel that way before.
 
It has been pointed out before-- because it's obvious-- but our country is far too militaristic. The promotion of all veterans to heroes is a way of giving more status to military people and more prestige to a military that's out of control.

Therefore, I treat this lowering of the standard with suspicion. Our last two wars have not been "heroic" in the least. The 10th anniversary of the Iraqi War wasn't celebrated, and-- in a heated discussion-- I told Conservatives back in 2005 that it wouldn't be. The military has heroes in Iraq and Afghanistan, but heroes in immoral ventures that are against national interests, and were brought upon us fraudulently. Our enlisted personnel, veterans and real heroes are being used and had, and they come home to benefits that suck and will only get worse as budgets get cut. They come home sometimes as damaged goods, while frequently, the skills they learned get them nowhere in this economy the wars they fought in have helped wreck. Unless they go to work for a private security agency, an intelligence firm or agency, or the Pentagon, they'll probably find that few promises made to them have been kept.

If they work for a private security agency, an intelligence entity, or the Pentagon, they get paid to further our government's business and foreign ventures.

It's no wonder Conservative propagandists and their volunteer parrots are almost hysterical to flatter veterans now. 
   

 




Saturday, March 30, 2013

Poor living.

I'm up to 1400 words of mostly finished prose on this week's installment of the novel. I have 600 words, or two pages to go, and I'll have a complete installment to read at the writers' group. Most of this one is concerned with two detectives on the trail of a runaway. Since it is a werewolf story, they are finding some inexplicable things. 

Writing isn't so difficult anymore. It's easier to crank out prose, though not quite at the L. Ron Hubbard rate, yet. For the most part, I waste it on posting in places rather than writing fiction.

Friday, March 29, 2013

Free advice.

Went to a workshop last night with Michael Kahn done through the St. Louis Artist Guild (SLAG). It was on writing and the law. Kahn is not only a lawyer who has represented creative people in copyright cases, he's also a novelist, and has a continuing series going. The series all have Rachel Gold as the main character and are set in St. Louis. The series includes: Canaan Legacy, Grave Designs, Death Benefits, Firm Ambitions, Due Diligence, Sheer Gall, Bearing Witness, and Trophy Widow. His newest book is a collection of Rachel Gold short stories A Handful of Gold.


Thursday, March 28, 2013

Getting the knack of Metro.



I cooked chicken chilli yesterday. Not really by any recipe. I used one for guidance, but that recipe didn't have chilli powder. How can it be called chilli if there's no chilli powder in it? It didn't add tomatoes, and I thought that was lacking. Also, I substituted chilli beans for lentils, and used chicken breas for turkey sausage. Besides that, I followed the recipe exactly as given. It's good and I've got enough of it for about 14 servings.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Frittering.

Tonight I have some late-night cooking to do. It's pretty simple. Chilli. I've been procrastinating it for days, and procrastinated it for hours today.

I don't why I do that. I don't dislike cooking (as long my is sharp). It's necessary work, I mean, this will be 8-12 meals. I let myself get distracted with the Internet, which always has either something important to read or write. Actually, let's just say I look for something on the net that will let me put off any work fro a few more seconds. Seconds turn into minutes, and-- physically speaking-- sitting and browsing is less work. If I were rude, or maybe it's honest, I would say I was being lazy. Looking for something more important to give me an excuse to stay zoned in front of the computer.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Scored!

Finally, got my medication after slogging through the 8" of unseasonable snow and spending three hours at the clinic. I found out that clinic didn't re-authorize my prescriptions for six days after I saw the doctor. All I wanted was a "bridge script." But that was an unknown concept to them, so they wrote me up for a whole 90 more days, which means that I've paid twice for my prescription.

Is this the worst medical system in the industrialized world? It sounds like it. We pay more, get less, and more people get sick, and/or die as a result.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

At least there's writing.

It's been a bad day, but at least I wrote a lot. I know it sounds self-indulgent when I say I'm really entertained writing my characters (and since it's fanfiction, writing for other writers' characters, too.)

Most of the characters are female teenagers. Unlike some fan fiction, I don't sexualize them. Not that I have anything against sex in movies or books. Sex is important to human lives, and it has it's place in story-telling. I won't avoid the characters' sex lives, but I don't divert the story or the character for titillation and sexual thrills, mine or the readers. I'll definitely do it differently if I write erotica, but this is a horror story, and the characters are too terrified and preoccupied with surviving to think about sex.

The not-myself shadow

Thanks to the inaction of a community clinic in re-authorizing my prescriptions, I've now been out of a key medication (Levothyroxin) since Tuesday last week. I thought it would arrive by Friday, but it didn't. I would have gotten a bridge script, but I really didn't envision the length of this delay.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

A bad day went well.

I had such a horrid day yesterday I had to cancel my social plans. I wouldn't have been able to relax. I was sad to miss that Friday night cunnilingus demo, but no, with such financial turmoil, I also couldn't justify discretionary spending.

Instead I stayed home and enjoyed some comfort food: pizza. Too much pizza.

I wouldn't recommend college to anyone these days.

I've been frittering away my writing time just perusing the Internet when I should have been making my entry. I've run a few errands today. Most urgent one was to pick up flea medication for my cat who's begun to scratch her neck bare. It might be colder than a yeti's turd out there, but the fleas seem to have discovered it's spring, and they're having an early Global Warming party.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Steubenville: Not enough justice

It looks like, if you force it enough, you can get a smidgeon of justice from our court system.

Here are the lessons from Steubenville: 

1) If a bunch of jocks rape a girl in front of a room full of witnesses, and those jocks and their accessories-- who take pictures and vids-- boast about it publicly on the world-wide web, a few of them just might get arrested.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Rebuild

I know I haven't blogged in a time, and I'm trying to take it in new direction. Where I would before try to protect some details about my life, keep them private, engage in self-censorship, now I'm not even gonna try. I figure there's already enough on the Internet to ruin me, and I'm of the socio-economic level now that I wouldn't notice very much if it did.

I got on the highway to head back home from my writers' group the other night, when my car began to misfire. I thought it was the EGR valve. Anyway, it didn't conk out. I got it home. I had date the next night, so I knew I had to get it repaired the next day, or find other means, because cancellation was not an option.

I took it into the shop. While the shop tested it, I went to my Dad's to take care of my brother Joe. My dad had asked for help. He had to go to the doctor. My sister couldn't take up the slack because she had to work the graveyard the night before.  I had told Dad I was having car trouble in case it broke down completely on the way to the shop. I made it. They told me it would be mid-afternoon before they got to my car, so I walked to my Dad's.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Cycles and Placebos

For a few months there, I dared to think that I might be cured, that I might be over the depressions. This last week has shown otherwise. It's not like Andrew Solomon described depression, where it would deck him for months at a time. For me, I just lose hours, lying in bed helpless with no energy, no resolve, where everything appears hopeless, even things that have nothing to do with me, even the world. It's usually accompanied by a migraine, where I feel awful enough to take a lot of painkillers. I'll usually have a few "good" hours a day, only to sag again.

During these weeks, I'll start things, like this blog entry, and then negate them. My last blog entry is still a draft and probably will never be seen.

Then one day, I snap out of it. I used to have many more bad days before I was on medication. Now, occasionally I'll still hit a bad patch. Last week, including today, was one of them.

Mental illnesses are known to be cyclical. A person gets better or worse. Mind seems to have a cycle within a cycle.

In all truth, I think most illnesses are cyclical until they get into a terminal phase. This might explain why placebos seem to be too effective. Maybe it's mostly not beliefs. Maybe it's the illness itself was due for an upswing. I wonder if medical scientists have ever thought of that.

The headache's returning. I'm going to do some reading . . . then go to bed. I got a little writing done today, at least.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Sick days.

The last three days have been bad. I've have headaches several times a day now, and a dearth of energy. I end up sleeping half the day away. I see my doctor next week, but this is the sort of problem that can really set me back financially, even to try and diagnose it. Migraines? I do have a history of them, they just haven't been bad in recent years. But I've also had joint aches, which might or might not be related.  The headaches might also be sinus related. I got so bothered this morning I took Tylenol, Benedryl and Tramadol. That put me out for five hours. I knew it would, but the relief from the pain so good.

Can't do that again. Tramadol is a weak narcotic, so it's habit forming. 

I meant to have maybe a longer entry, but I can hardly keep my eyes open now, and that's without any medications. It's just the way things have been going recently.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Vatican to protect Pope from Arrest in Retirement!

The College of Cardinals have updated their methods
 I go on vacation and slack off my blog, and what happens? The Pope resigns. Then this morning I get up thinking of what I'm going to write here, I look at the news, and I realize my plans have been dashed today. Headline from Reuters:

Pope will have security, immunity by remaining in the Vatican


Monday, February 18, 2013

Gaming Vacation

If only Hitler had Civilization 4

Normally, I play no games of any kind. With my Attention Deficit, I've got to draw the line somewhere, so I refuse to play them. I figured if I don't play them for the first time, I won't get sucked into them.

However, there was a game I got hooked on before I made that resolution: Sid Meier's Civilization. I've bought every version of it up to Civ 5.

But Civ 5 sucked, even though it had some great advances (hex rather than square tiles, limits on stacking units, elimination of transport ships.) It seems that 2k suffered layoffs like everyone in 2008.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Super Bowl and I don't Give a Shit

 For me, it's another workday.

I'm not utterly against sports. In fact, I like hockey the most. With all the other things I love from north of the border, maybe I'm a Canadian switched at birth. I can't explain it. The love of it isn't rational. In fact, hockey's about the most insane sport. I thought this last lock out would break me of the habit, but as soon as they began playing again, I was checking the scores.

Football, though, does nothing for me. Yes, I got into it when the Rams went to the Super Bowl. Yes, I watched it five years ago when invited by friends. No, I can't explain that.

But I'm sitting this one out.

About the Last Week

For the last several days, I've been preoccupied, mostly with non-writing, though I have posted around. I belatedly winterized my apartment hoping to bring my heating bills back into line; I organized my bookmarks and passwords, and I did my finances, closing out last month and budgeting this one. Last month, I broke even. Today, I did most my grocery shopping for the next two weeks today.

My writers' group suggested that I expedite things with the plot of my novel, and I've been stuck since. If this keeps up, I might not have anything to read at the meeting. Already it looks like I'll have very little.

That's probably better, because the meetings have been going long, beyond 10 pm. When you have over twenty people at meeting, and all but four of them read their allotted 2,400 words, and people critique at length, it runs long. For the group, I think I'll cut it back to 1,800 words.

The group doesn't like to turn people away, but one reason why I don't give their name is that meetings are now full. We can't afford the time for more people. 

I'm thinking of taking a "vacation" the week after this coming one. I don't mean I'm going anywhere. I can't afford to. I'll just spend a week without writing. I'll play Civilization IV (still the best one), and I'll read. Maybe not the healthiest vacation, but if the weather's not bad, I'll take walks around the neighborhood, too.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

About My Past, pt 2: Angel's Child (long)


For those who don't remember the previous entry in this series, here's the link. This one is just as long.

I was the oldest in the family with three brothers and two sisters. My brother Joe was born two years and a few months after me. Early pictures of him show beautiful child. Yet, you can see that there was something in his eyes that wasn't right. Those pictures were taken during peaceful moments in an otherwise catastrophic time.

From birth, Joe couldn't feed, couldn't suck a nipple correctly, and couldn't keep anything down when he did. As my parents struggled for a year to keep him nourished, doctors were at a loss for a diagnosis. Then, he began to have seizures.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Movie Review: American Mary



Katharine Isabelle as Mary Mason in American Mary, by Jen & Sylvia Soska

Despite living on a film noir budget, I broke down and ordered American Mary from the Amazon UK. It's a horror movie made by one of the most fascinating collaborations, Jen and Sylvia Soska, the Twisted Twins who are lifelong horror fans. This would be their second movie, their first being not nearly as ambitious. The Soska's illustrate a principle my biology teacher called inclusive fitness, but that's a subject for a different horror movie.

Reading, thoughts and findings today

I watched American Mary last night. I waited to see this since I heard of its production, and it did not disappoint. Review to follow this afternoon.

I'm now more halfway through with Glen Duncan's Tululla Rising. I'm surprised to be enjoying it much more than the first in the series, The Last Werewolf. I was so disappointed in that one, I only starting reading Tululla for speed-reading practice after a friend gave it to me. Tululla's a much more interesting character than Jake, the protagonist from the first book.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

More on writing

I always wake up planning I'm going to write, no matter if it's weekend, holiday, birthday, I don't care. This morning I got up at 4:45. My cat was at the foot of the bed snoring and moaning in her sleep, like a squeak-toy. It was a funny thing to awaken to. 

Getting up so early sounds really motivated, except that's not how I planned it. Sometimes I just awaken feeling alert. I read more of Solomon's book, for about a half hour, and then wrote.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

One way to start.

Wake up, feed the cat. Read Noonday Demon, by Andrew Solomon. Get up again, schedule everything in my day, trash, dishes, clean bathroom, write blog, write story. I have my first look at the Internet. A picture of a friend brings the bite of depression. For the next half hour, I feel trapped in my life. It's cold in my apartment, cold outside. Soreness, small pains, a cat scratch, an ingrown toenail, stiff muscles, all feel inflamed. I take aspirin to keep it from getting out of control. Inflammation can damage the heart. I take the rest of my medications and vitamin supplements. 

My cat had her morning manic and is now fast asleep on the bed, so there's amusement to be found there. I finish my breakfast, which is the same thing every morning, Grape Nuts. Breakfast isn't my fuss-about-it meal, it's my pour-it-in-a-bowl-and-slog-it-down- so-I-can-start-my-day meal. Internet suggests a half dozen things to read. I realize I forgot something important on my schedule, so it's obsolete before I get to the first item. Okay, that's why Desktop Notes is such a great program.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Slut Shaming, Pt 2: women to women to men

Slut shaming comes down heavily on women, so why do females engage in it?  I might be accused of mansplaining this issue, however, since I'm a man, I don't have much of a choice. Since it's better for all involved if men understand the issue, too, being seen, and not heard isn't the better option.

I might not be female, but I do understand humiliation. I understand harassment, bullying and defamation. I can be fair about these when it's connected to slut shaming.  

Neither sex is monolithic in its view on anything. In fact, even on the issue of choice, pro- and anti- are split about almost even among women. (Among men there's a fifteen percent difference favoring antichoice).

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Fluff

Okay, I'm up against deadline, I'm tired, I need to lay down, so I'm going to write about just about what's happening and postpone the longer, issue-oriented article.

Fluff actually refers to my cat, who as you have seen, is a sweet, delightful little long-haired creature, who has issues. Anyway, I was watching a WWI documentary on youtube, The Great War. She was in my lap, I was petting her, she squirming with delight and squinting with affection. Things couldn't have been better.

Then, she has one of her spontaneous panic episodes. He claws came out in every direction. Where I had been holding this warm ball of fuzz, now it had moving thorns. She wasn't scratching at me, she was trying to gain traction and run away. Part of the traction she gained was in my throat.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

What a difference 24 hours makes.

A couple of minor setbacks today. I was supposed to meet friends at a happy hour last night, but couldn't find the place. It turned out, I had the street wrong! How could I mistake Manchester for Olive? I didn't lie down at 5 as I felt I should, that's probably why. I might have arrived late, but I would have arrived.

I went home and gave myself a triple vodka. I seldom have that much, usually a single or double. Then I woke up this morning with a sore throat, and itchy mouth, took some benedryl, slept for a few more hours. Didn't really feel any better. I had to cancel tonight's plans. I slept through the early evening and finally got up. I did a few hours of writing on the novel today, but for the most part, everything from last night on has been a wash out for everything except reading. 

Hoping to be back with it tomorrow. I have to finish a chapter of writing. Late tomorrow, I have to work on another blog entry.

Update: 12:45 1/18/13 I've actually been able to turn this into a very productive evening of writing.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Rediscovering joy

At the recommendation of a friend, I've been reading Andrew Solomon's Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression for my nonfiction. I'm only 94 pages into it, which is not very far. The book is close 500 pages of prose with a 40 page bibliography. It seems to cover depression from every different angle. 

On pages 34-37 the book tells the story of a Cambodian woman named Phaly Nuon, who survived the brutality of the Pol Pot's Killing Fields. For reference to how ruthless the regime was, one out of four people in Cambodia were murdered or died of starvation during that time. For the size of the population he ruled over, Pol Pot was many times worse than Josef Stalin and Mao Zedong.

Afterward, in a Thai refugee camp, she saw women who were wasting away PTSD and depression. She treated these women by following four steps: forgetting, working and loving; and then the most important step, teaching them that those three are all inter-related, part of a whole. Phaly has had so much success, that she has been a candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize more than once.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Not made for 9 to 5.

My hours are extremely irregular. I put in eight hours writing today, but I started at noon, found myself worn out 3:30, napped until 6, wrote until 8, had dinner, started writing again at 9, and finished up at 11:30.

I get mentally worn out during the day. The temptation, which I've indulged, is to blame this on concussions I had as a child. I don't actually know. I have told doctors about it, but because the US now has the worst healthcare system in the industrialized world (and this is not an exaggeration), and the most expensive, I can't actually afford to find out, and our medical system won't solve it anyway.

I will get overwhelmingly tired at irregular times during the day, and if I don't go to sleep, I will begin to make stupid mistakes. If I try to push through it, I'll continue to make mistakes, my mood will crash and I'll get a migraine. This has been going on for decades. This isn't a normal tiredness, either, like one you get late at night, what I'm feeling now. This is, "I feel like I'm going to die" tiredness. I can't predict when it will happen, but it happens some time during the day no matter how much sleep I get during the night.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

American Mary: a good digression.

I went to a party last night. I didn't know hardly anyone there. It was a benefit for the owner of the pub, O'Malley's, who had suffered a stroke. It was, of course, at that pub. I'm on a stringent, fixed-income budget, and ran deficit last month, so I have to choose my socializing carefully. 

A trivial fact about me: I fear nothing in life more than a stroke.The very thought of it is frightening.

I went alone. Several different groups were meeting there, and I knew almost nobody. I did talk to a few people, but in between time, I sat alone thinking about the scene I was going to write. That's what I do now, I daydream about my characters or about the scene, when I'm driving, when I'm walking, not when I exercise, though. Then I watch TV. It's probably an expression of both my opinion as a writer, and my Attention Deficit Disorder.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Slut Shaming, pt 1: Rape

What does a guy have to say about the subject of slut-shaming? My own message is that women as well as men engage in it, and I think in about equal numbers. Yes, I think it's possible that even though it comes down preponderantly on females, I believe other females are just as likely to be slut-shame as males are.

 Especially for adolescents, "slut" is a smear used to knock somebody off the status ladder. However, they do it with a sense of justice that is pretty much assented to by adults. It's a dynamic that has a lot in common with bullying, which with I have a lot of experience, on the receiving end. One of my old observations about bullying is that often the adults signal, consciously or not, who gets bullied. Children try to aim their aggression at kids whose oppression make the instigators feel secure and justified.  This is why Conservative Christians have said that anti-bullying campaigns are actually promoting the "gay agenda." They are admitting that they depend on bullying to instill homophobia in kids. Having gone to Catholic schools in the '70s, I could attest that the most damaging thing you could be called was "fag," or some variant. Second worst was n*gg*r-lover. And no, there were no African-Americans at my grade school and very few at my high school. Bullying was a means to indoctrinate both homophobia and racism. The latter definitely wasn't part of the Catholic teaching, in fact, I've probably mentioned before, the nuns did their level best to stamp it out in the students. Unfortunately, the racism was endorsed by the parents, and their sway won out. For homosexuality, though, the parents and the church agreed.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

A super athlete? Presume cheating.

I'm trying to post two times a week on substantial topics, but in doing so, I'm endangering now my goal of 2,400 words to read on my novel. After days of working on the topic I want to write about, (Slut-Shaming) and discovering I have too many thoughts requiring too much background and documentation, I've decided, for this deadline, to fall back on a different topic. This is the way I'll have to write this blog, small, simple topics interspersed with bigger, more complex ones. It's called lowering expectations.

Speaking of lowered expectations, I hear that Lance Armstrong is considering a public confession of his doping. After all the vehement denials, he's thinking of coming clean. I'll believe that when I see it. This is somebody who couldn't restrain his ego and competitiveness to give himself anything less than seven Tour de France titles.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Sex!

Handyman's Porn
 
No, the title of this entry isn't just to get your attention, that's really what this is about. As a blogger, I often run up against conundrum: how much do I really want to share? I'm very cognizant of how information on the Internet can be used against me. Information I should not share, such as: when I will be on vacation (what a concept), so I only talk about events retrospectively. My birthday: that's identifying information.

Then there are the subjects that can burn bridges and make enemies of  people I don't even know, or turn friends into enemies. Don't I know about politics and religion, but another of those is sex. If your views don't coincide with the social norm, stay quiet; and if they do, the social normals see little point in talking about it. The safe view in this culture is monogamy: no sex outside of marriage, no fancy plumbing (intercourse only, and some souls restrict that to mish), no birth control, before or after sex.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Newtown massacre.

Flag and shattered sky at Newtown

I'm late posting here about the Newtown shooting, but-- with the handle of caseymoz, I was posting/arguing about it on the Democratic Underground for the week after it happened. Some examples:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=1997575

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=1977591

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1014&pid=337620

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1014&pid=338503


Descriptive words can only turn this horrific tragedy into some kind of fiction. All 20 children, 28 people total were murdered in such a cold, malicious way.


Day off, I guess.

I don't plan to take days off. It just happens that way. I'm a writer, self-employed. Every single day I get up with the idea of working on my main project. On days like today those plans don't pan out, but it's a holiday, so I suppose nature just meant it like that. This seems to happen consistently about one, sometimes two days a week. In other words, I get a day off whether I want it or not.

I have taken up to three weeks, though without such a day off. The work doesn't only include writing. I do a lot of reading. For my writer's group, I always have to read and critique somebody's work. I'd give anything to have a 1200 wpm reading speed or better, but reading does help you as a writer. Then there's studying the finer points of grammar and style mechanics.

You then have to practice. This blog would be considered practice. I find that issues I want to write about the most simply tie me in knots. My writing about my family life turned into heap, and it's taking a lot of work to unsnarl. I want to take on some more pertinent and controversial issues. However, it seems that I still respond to other people's posts far better than I can generate my own blog entries. I do this here and here. Why don't I just link them in my blog? Because by the time I get around to writing my blog, I'm trying to think of my own issues to write about, and often I respond to posts spontaneously; those are the distractions. I'm afraid if I do, the blog becomes incoherent.

It was very nice together for New Year's. My reading seemed acceptable. There were only about nine people there, a very brief reading compared to others the group has had, which was good because it left the rest of the time for partying. One guy knew about four verses of Auld Lang Syne. Which was good because nobody thought of any other way to hail the new year when it came about.

I remember as a child looking at how long the years were and thinking that living until the year 2000 would be virtual immortality. I'm fortunate.