A bad day went well.

I had such a horrid day yesterday I had to cancel my social plans. I wouldn't have been able to relax. I was sad to miss that Friday night cunnilingus demo, but no, with such financial turmoil, I also couldn't justify discretionary spending.

Instead I stayed home and enjoyed some comfort food: pizza. Too much pizza.

I wouldn't recommend college to anyone these days.

I've been frittering away my writing time just perusing the Internet when I should have been making my entry. I've run a few errands today. Most urgent one was to pick up flea medication for my cat who's begun to scratch her neck bare. It might be colder than a yeti's turd out there, but the fleas seem to have discovered it's spring, and they're having an early Global Warming party.

Steubenville: Not enough justice

It looks like, if you force it enough, you can get a smidgeon of justice from our court system.

Here are the lessons from Steubenville: 

1) If a bunch of jocks rape a girl in front of a room full of witnesses, and those jocks and their accessories-- who take pictures and vids-- boast about it publicly on the world-wide web, a few of them just might get arrested.

Rebuild

I know I haven't blogged in a time, and I'm trying to take it in new direction. Where I would before try to protect some details about my life, keep them private, engage in self-censorship, now I'm not even gonna try. I figure there's already enough on the Internet to ruin me, and I'm of the socio-economic level now that I wouldn't notice very much if it did.

I got on the highway to head back home from my writers' group the other night, when my car began to misfire. I thought it was the EGR valve. Anyway, it didn't conk out. I got it home. I had date the next night, so I knew I had to get it repaired the next day, or find other means, because cancellation was not an option.

I took it into the shop. While the shop tested it, I went to my Dad's to take care of my brother Joe. My dad had asked for help. He had to go to the doctor. My sister couldn't take up the slack because she had to work the graveyard the night before.  I had told Dad I was having car trouble in case it broke down completely on the way to the shop. I made it. They told me it would be mid-afternoon before they got to my car, so I walked to my Dad's.

Cycles and Placebos

For a few months there, I dared to think that I might be cured, that I might be over the depressions. This last week has shown otherwise. It's not like Andrew Solomon described depression, where it would deck him for months at a time. For me, I just lose hours, lying in bed helpless with no energy, no resolve, where everything appears hopeless, even things that have nothing to do with me, even the world. It's usually accompanied by a migraine, where I feel awful enough to take a lot of painkillers. I'll usually have a few "good" hours a day, only to sag again.

During these weeks, I'll start things, like this blog entry, and then negate them. My last blog entry is still a draft and probably will never be seen.

Then one day, I snap out of it. I used to have many more bad days before I was on medication. Now, occasionally I'll still hit a bad patch. Last week, including today, was one of them.

Mental illnesses are known to be cyclical. A person gets better or worse. Mind seems to have a cycle within a cycle.

In all truth, I think most illnesses are cyclical until they get into a terminal phase. This might explain why placebos seem to be too effective. Maybe it's mostly not beliefs. Maybe it's the illness itself was due for an upswing. I wonder if medical scientists have ever thought of that.

The headache's returning. I'm going to do some reading . . . then go to bed. I got a little writing done today, at least.

Sick days.

The last three days have been bad. I've have headaches several times a day now, and a dearth of energy. I end up sleeping half the day away. I see my doctor next week, but this is the sort of problem that can really set me back financially, even to try and diagnose it. Migraines? I do have a history of them, they just haven't been bad in recent years. But I've also had joint aches, which might or might not be related.  The headaches might also be sinus related. I got so bothered this morning I took Tylenol, Benedryl and Tramadol. That put me out for five hours. I knew it would, but the relief from the pain so good.

Can't do that again. Tramadol is a weak narcotic, so it's habit forming. 

I meant to have maybe a longer entry, but I can hardly keep my eyes open now, and that's without any medications. It's just the way things have been going recently.

Vatican to protect Pope from Arrest in Retirement!

The College of Cardinals have updated their methods

 I go on vacation and slack off my blog, and what happens? The Pope resigns. Then this morning I get up thinking of what I'm going to write here, I look at the news, and I realize my plans have been dashed today. Headline from Reuters:

Pope will have security, immunity by remaining in the Vatican

Gaming Vacation

If only Hitler had Civilization 4

Normally, I play no games of any kind. With my Attention Deficit, I've got to draw the line somewhere, so I refuse to play them. I figured if I don't play them for the first time, I won't get sucked into them.

However, there was a game I got hooked on before I made that resolution: Sid Meier's Civilization. I've bought every version of it up to Civ 5.

But Civ 5 sucked, even though it had some great advances (hex rather than square tiles, limits on stacking units, elimination of transport ships.) It seems that 2k suffered layoffs like everyone in 2008.

Super Bowl and I don't Give a Shit

 For me, it's another workday.

I'm not utterly against sports. In fact, I like hockey the most. With all the other things I love from north of the border, maybe I'm a Canadian switched at birth. I can't explain it. The love of it isn't rational. In fact, hockey's about the most insane sport. I thought this last lock out would break me of the habit, but as soon as they began playing again, I was checking the scores.

Football, though, does nothing for me. Yes, I got into it when the Rams went to the Super Bowl. Yes, I watched it five years ago when invited by friends. No, I can't explain that.

But I'm sitting this one out.

About the Last Week

For the last several days, I've been preoccupied, mostly with non-writing, though I have posted around. I belatedly winterized my apartment hoping to bring my heating bills back into line; I organized my bookmarks and passwords, and I did my finances, closing out last month and budgeting this one. Last month, I broke even. Today, I did most my grocery shopping for the next two weeks today.

My writers' group suggested that I expedite things with the plot of my novel, and I've been stuck since. If this keeps up, I might not have anything to read at the meeting. Already it looks like I'll have very little.

That's probably better, because the meetings have been going long, beyond 10 pm. When you have over twenty people at meeting, and all but four of them read their allotted 2,400 words, and people critique at length, it runs long. For the group, I think I'll cut it back to 1,800 words.

The group doesn't like to turn people away, but one reason why I don't give their name is that meetings are now full. We can't afford the time for more people. 

I'm thinking of taking a "vacation" the week after this coming one. I don't mean I'm going anywhere. I can't afford to. I'll just spend a week without writing. I'll play Civilization IV (still the best one), and I'll read. Maybe not the healthiest vacation, but if the weather's not bad, I'll take walks around the neighborhood, too.